It's time the tale were told...

Hi dudes and dudettes.
Just a little note to say that Cold Tea is running down. But wait, don't worry too much, I know you hang on every word I speak forth so... let me introduce you to the replacement blog.

Roundacow

This is the new blog about daily life as per me in Milton Keynes. So pop along and have a read and hopefully take a little understanding about Milton keynes away with you.

So long, and thanks for the fish.

Call me stupid

Call me stupid but isn't this a little obvious...

Scientific American: Statistical Analysis Reveals New Mortality Predictors

Actually it is a good article as it goes on, but the first paragraph did make me laugh. I half expect a further article to say...

'less than a pint of blood left in the body is a sign of impending death'

'a gaping gunshot wound to the head could prove fatal'

'falling several hundred feet could have damaging affects to the bodies chances of recuperation'

Poser 5, free 3d software

If you fancy playing around with 3d software then there is a good freebie offer on at the moment. Poser 5 creates 3d people and animals and allows you to animate them.¹ If you pop along to http://www.contentparadise.com and create an account, you can, until the 8th Spetember, add Poser 5 to your shopping cart for the wonderful price of $0:00.

Unfortunately, demand has been so high that the download is taking some time, and often can't be attempted as their download bandwidth is exceded. However, once you have gone through the checkout, the download link stays open indefinitely, so you can return when things have slowed down a bit.

I am sorry that I didn't manage to get the link up sooner for another free download. Those nice guys at http://www.daz3d.com² were offering Bryce 5 as a free download and so if you wanted to play around with some 'world' creation that would have been quite helpful. As far as I know though, that offer expired on 6th September

¹ Poser 5 does much more than this but that is the sort of description you'll get from me.
² No relation

But what if I don't like spam?

No, not a link to Monty Python but to a (or should that be an [I am never quite sure]) hilarious and gorgeously written post by Steve, for more info check this out - SPAM

have fun

Qumana

Well hopefully you'll be able to see that I am also trying out Qumana. And I suppose I should also have said that the previous post - which I have just copied within Qumana and then been unabel to post into here, so one down so far. However, can't say I tried that with Windows Writer.

Still we'll see if this gets posted and then give them both something a little harder to do.

Powered by Qumana

Windows Live Writer (Beta)

Now I have been looking for an offline blog writer for a while, not sure if this will work but I'm going to give it a go. We'll see what happens.

Obsessive Star Trek book compulsion

I have realised that I am very obsessive in some of my behaviour. Well actually in a lot of my behaviour, but that is by the by, I am talking about something specific here and now.

We have been trying to de-junk our lives a la life laundry, yeah OK the programme was on in 2002 and I am only now starting to clear things out. Well the clearing has been going on for a while so I’m not that bad. Anyway, part of the clearing has involved getting rid of any old paperbacks or other books that I have either read and don’t want to keep or that are just no good.

So I made two piles one for books to read and then get rid of and another to simply get rid of (the theoretical third pile of books I want to keep were already on the shelves). This is where I discovered my obsessive behaviour; I was virtually unable to put any books into the ‘get rid of’ pile. This has left me with a pile of ‘Star Trek’ novels to read and then get rid of. Even though these novels aren’t the best stories ever written, by a long shot, I seem unable to simply bin them – I have to read them first. Still I am almost onto the last couple now having read the vast majority I had.

Roll on September when I should be near the end of this trek (sorry couldn’t resist the pun) and can look forward to reading something with a little more depth again.

Could it be true?

For the first time ever I am about to go on holiday from work without piles and piles of stuff left undone. I have one more week to go and I have finished all the major jobs that needed doing. I have one pile of commissioning to do next week and that is it, however even s quarter of that is already done.

The rest of my time can be spent being creative with a couple of other projects I am working on, getting them up to speed and coming up with formats and content ideas - which is the part of the job I really like.

I would like to take credit for such organisation but I must admit that it is all down to Mr David Allen and his Getting things done book. His concepts and ideas have really helped and turned this procrastinating, unorganised creative type into a... well let's just say more organised. To go along nicely with GTD I have also been aided by the ideas and templates from the people at D-I-Y planner, although I still use lots of digital devices and online Web 2.0 applications (that's another story soon to be told) I have moved to pen and paper for my main planning... I may even be moving toward a simple notepad in the near future, I'll let you know.

So if you have a little trouble organising yourself then the above two links come highly recommended.

Heartfelt apologies

Are sent to whoever it was the RSPCA were trying to wake up as they attempted to forward the call from my wife concerning the bat in our bedroom at 2:25 am. When the bat flew out she simply put the phone down while she was on hold.

Bat, man Awakes!

I was woken in the middle of the night, 2:25 to be precise by a commotion. As I became self-aware – nothing so advanced as the Skynet system in the Terminator, simply the move from dream state to consciousness – I noticed something moving around. My first thought was that there was a moth zooming round the bedroom. The weather has been very hot and humid the last few days and therefore the windows have been kept open. I could here a definite fluttering of wings and it sounded like whatever was fluttering, was going round in circles, this is typical moth behaviour. I then heard my wife say that there was a bird in the room. At this point any remains of sleep vanished and I was fully awake. So I jumped out of bed and went over to the light switch, at this point the whole family was awake and wondering what was going on.

I turned on the light and immediately saw this small, dark object flying around the room. It was either a very large moth, although I was beginning to have my doubts, or a very small bird, of which there aren’t many where we live. Another reason I was beginning to think it wasn’t a bird was that it wasn’t making a noise, no sound at all.

I rushed over to the curtains and opened them in the hope that whatever it was would fly out. It then occurred to me that this might not be either moth or bird but perhaps a bat… how Goth is that? My thoughts were confirmed as it landed on the curtain and took a breather before starting again on its continual circumnavigation of the bedroom.

Now, being a natural history expert; having watched most of Sir David Attenborough’s back catalogue, it struck me that perhaps bats were similar to moths and they could be confused by the light in the bedroom, and that was why it was flying round and round. So I turned off the light and listened intently. The bat didn’t change its course. Then I remembered that bats weren’t like moths as they had a very advanced sonar navigational system – again leant from David and his documentaries. However, at this point I was beginning to wonder whether Sir David actually knew anything about bats and other animals. You see the window was wide open and any navigational system worth its salt should have detected that and informed the bat that here was an exit. Instead the bat several times approached the opening only to turn back upon reaching it.

Bats are protected species in the UK and so I couldn’t, ethically, attack it with a tennis racquet. I did hear my wife telephoning someone for help, but I’m not sure who it was, I will however find out and relay it to you at some point. At this point the bat landed on the curtain, so I rushed over and turned the curtain around so the bat was facing the open window. With its advanced sonar working it then flew off between the two panes of our sash windows. We like the old look and feel of wooden sash windows but at times like this I can see the appeal of UPVC single pane boring windows. However, the bat then had an amazing show of intelligence, well amazing considering how stupid it had so far been. It climbed down between the panes and out the bottom, and flew away.

Tiredness caught up with me and I immediately turned off the light and got back into bed, making the mental note to check who my wife had called on the telephone. Who had been awake at 2:30 on a Monday morning and who would have had some connection with bats?

Kaiser Chiefs v Man Utd

Friendly fixture on Man Utd's pre-season tour

Tuesday, 18 July 2006
Friendly Match
Kaiser Chiefs v Man Utd, 19:15

I predict a riot.

How cool is that?

Not content wit being a pop star and a pilot, Gary Numan now enters the world of podcasting. But not just any podcast. This is a great podcast with Noel Fileding of The Mighty boosh, hence the title of this post. So if you want a podcast with a little fun thown in then chack it out.

Direct download here

Intital page here

Have fun :-)

Meanwhile I have to try and finish everything that I should have done at work before the weekend starts.

Trainspotting

Ok, now I don't want to be inundated with comments by rail enthusiasts correcting everything I say in this short post. I speak about what I think I saw, I do not claim any rail knowledge beyond the basics, so please forgive me when I call the 'engine' a diesel if it isn't.

Went down to London yesterday via Silverlink trains and the London Underground. On the way down to Euston you pass a train depot (Yes, this probably isn't the correct technical term either) and I often take a look at the trains pulled into the sidings. Anyway one particular engine took my interest. It was a diesel locomotive I believe. Now these locomotives are given names and the one that stood out for me was one named 'Oscar Wilde' - this just seemed stupid to me so I'm passing it on to you.

Whatever happened to Colourbox?

Yes it is that time of year again... the soccer world cup is almost upon us. I sit here contemplating many things... but what exactly am I contemplating? Am I wondering whether Rooney will recover from his broken toe? Am I concerned that Peter (Mr Bean) Crouch [thank you Andrew] is our secret weapon? Do I worry whethwer we should employ a 4-4-2, 4-1-4-1 or 4-3-3 system?

NO

My concern is whatever happened to Colourbox!!!!

Hold on Darren, why and who and what are Colourbox and why the World Cup link? Well dear chums. Colourbox are, or were, an 80s band on the 4AD record label. You can find out all about them here. Their biggest claim to fame is that they were part of the team that brought the world Pump up the Volumn and therefore introduced house music to the masses... but don't hold that against them, they were quite good as well.

So the world cup link? Well if you read their biog you'll find that they wrote a track called 'The official Colourbox world cup theme' and it is fantastic. Although written to copincide with the 1986 world cup in Mexico it wasn't taken up by any major TV companies, however, I f I am right the BBC did use it as internal music for one of the following tournaments, possibly the euro championship two years later. Anyway, whenever it is world cup time I sit back, put on this track and contemplate whatever happened to Colourbox. All they ever did was make a few tracks, one great album (containing an amzing guitar solo by the then unknown genius William Orbit) and then they disappeared... or does anyone out there know better?

mini-heatwave

Well the last three or four days in the UK, well in the bit where I live anyway, we have been enjoying a sort of mini-heatwave. However, I have had to work and also endure an almost six hour round-trip up, down and around the M1 and M25, during this time.

But it is the weekend tomorrow and so I thought, 'ah sun and relaxation', Having just looked at the weather forcast though it looks like I'll be sorely disappointed... still at least I'll be able to have a cup of tea.

Getting Things Done

The above book by Dave Allen does work - well the ideas inside do - well for me anyway. Work is now organised, I am on top of things and I know where and when everything should be.

However...

I haven't been able to get it into practice outside of the office and I have far too much there that needs organising.

Oh well, will give it a good try this weekend, prepare for the mind-sweep of all mind-sweeps :-)

A couple of bands

Ok, I am a little slow on getting to grips with these but...

check out the Editors here and have a watch of the Munich video

also

have a look at white rose movement here they have an official site but the tracks weren't playing there so the myspace site is best to have a listen to the track Love is a number.

and where did I find these two bands? Yep, you guessed it PartyBen. Download his Coechella dance mix (30mb) and have 30 mins of any party's music sorted out.

and

if you want a great mash-up of Gnarls Barkley, Supertramp, the Who and a little Rockwell then download this. And also check out Arty Fufkin's site, the guy behind the mix.

that's about it for what i'm listening to at the moment, great tracks a nice warm cup of tea.

It's the return of...

... long meeting Tuesday, and it is a humdinger. Will I be able to survive? Anyway here is the main list of things which annoy me at long meeting Tuesday.

• Pointless conversations off-topic
• No one laughing when I go off-topic to be really funny
• Seemingly endless conversation when the obvious thing to do is obvious - I mean it isn't rocket science
• Blank faces of everyone else who wishes they weren't there

Well that will do for a while. See you tomorrow as I have other things to do so I can't really opt out of life in the short term :-)

I hate it...

... when nothing inparticular is annoying me, winding me up or simply making me cringe. I feel like I am missing something and everyone is secretly chuckling to themselves because I can't see it.

As Shirley Manson sang, so I mumble in agreement... 'I'm only happy when it rains.'

JOKE!

Saturday BBC1 Doctor Who

is back

nuff said

Although if you are a fan check out the real fans blog here and have a go at Neil's quiz.

Just hoping

I am able to avoid watching Mayo tonight. I should be Okay as I have some stuff to do and if I get drawn to the TV I should be able to distract myself with Doctor Who night on BBC three.

Feel free to hope that I make it through without pressing the BBC One button!

You are what you eat

I am not wanting this to turn into a TV review blog and I also don't want to give the impression that I only sit at home and watch TV, however, I have to briefly chat about the above.

You are what you eat is a good fun programme with some good, healthy advice on how, why and what you should eat. I love the format and I love the abuse that the narrator berates toward the (un)willing vicitm, who is normally grossly overweight, and eating the culinary equivalent of a rubbish tip.

I am currently catching it on TV almost daily through E4, or more 4 or one of the other sibling channels of channel 4. I presume that this is a re-run of the original series and so I am not sure whether the following applied to the original channel 4 transmission.

You will have noticed that many TV programmes on independent channels are sponsored by various companies and products. This normally works very well for the company and obviously gives some much needed funding to the TV channel. However, who decided to match up You are what you eat with its current sponsor. Remember this is a programme trying to get people to change their lifestyle and eat a more healthy diet. So who do they now have as a sponsor?

IAMS - the cat food producer.

So after seeing that my diet of processed food and fizzy pop is slowly turning my poo the wrong shade and smell, I am encouraged to eat cat food by the programmes sponsor. I am (no pun) sure that this wont sort out my insides! So I wonder what other programmes could have dubious sponsors... over to you.

Why do I put myself through this?

I am in desperate need of help!

Am I in financial straights? Am I in a desperate situation at home? Have I lost faith in everything?

Well not exactly. I watched an episode of Mayo the new detective series on the BBC the other week. And it was dreadful, it was possibly the worst TV I have ever seen. It was stilted, predictable and unbelievable (and remember I am a huge Sci fi fan). I had high hopes for it, being on the BBC and believing that perhaps it may be similar to Janathan Creek. However, those hopes were dashed.

So what is my problem? Well the problem was that I then sat down to watch another episode of it the following week. Am I gluton for punishment? Ok, this episode did have Sylvestor McCoy as the Reverend Beaver (titter ye not) but even so, the program was again dreadful. But it is strangely addictive, so bad but I was drawn to watch it. For this I need help.

In the meantime here is a review of Mayo inspired by the Mighty Boosh.

Armi and Danny

As a follow up to my previous post here is another link for the wonderful video and some further information about the above Finnish pair. Although the saddest news is the mention that Armi died through drinking too much - and I am sure that wasn't becasue she had three instead of two litres of water per day.

Go here

You can download the video from here although it is 30MB in size, but as we have said it is a classic - Steve try and hold on for as long as possible it is worth it.

And as for Danny's site itself, it really is a corker. I can't believe that such talent could ever come from Finland, he certainly shows other acts from there the correct way to shake their thang.

Worst video, or song, ever?

Have to link to this. I'd like to thank the guys at Music Thing for posting this. After seeing it I again feel my faith in music rekindled. And as the comment suggests, do stick with it, the choreography is fantastic.

http://musicthing.blogspot.com/2006/03/worst-music-video-ever.html

0800 Reverse

Well this got me thinking about what I'd like to be buried with, but then after procrastinating on the thought for about ten minutes realised that it was a pointless exercise - I mean you are dead after all (please don't start bombarding me with your views on the afterlife, whatever you believe being buried with your mobile phone wont help).

However, the underlying reason for taking the phones when they died was in case they weren't really dead and they were buried by mistake. I couldn't help thinking that if you were so unlucky as to be buried alive you were also the sort of person who constantly forgets to recharge your phone, and then when it is fully charged unlikely to get a good enough signal to actually call anyone.

Perhaps I'll ask to be buried with my broadband connection, I never seem to have any problems connecting and staying connected to the int...

Typical

So I book a week off work to spend some time alone at home, catch up on some things, do some long term planning and generally sort things out. And what happens?

Well I end up having to call out the doctor for a home visit. Yes, I was so ill that I couldn't even make it down the doctors and he is less than a five minute walk away. Although why I bothered to cal him out I don't know.

'I've got this really bad cold, it may be flu, and I think I've also pulled a muscle in my back which means I can't move'

'Yes, I think you do have a viral infection. Where does your back hurt?'

'Here'

'Right. Do you do any exercise?'

'Well actually I think it was the sit-ups I was doing that may have pulled the muscle in my back'

(he laughs)

'Well it is good to exercise, bye'

Me thinks I may have to exorcise my doctor and find one who actually does some doctoring. My current one is about as much use as a tanning salon in the sahara.

Why II

Why, is it that when you are up against things, deadlines looming and a holiday just a week away... do you end up with a week littered with annoying meetings that you really don't want to go to, but which are deemed important by others to attend???

Anyway, happy new week to you all :-)

Why

does it always rain on the evening you have to put the rubbish (trash for my US friends)out for the dustman?

A few tests - yep i'm procrastinating again

Mmm some interesting a fun test. Picked them up via Flipping Heck.

You fit in with: Humanism Your ideals mostly resemble that of a Humanist. Although you do not have a lot of faith, you are devoted to making this world better, in the short time that you have to live. Humanists do not generally believe in an afterlife, and therefore, are committed to making the world a better place for themselves and future generations. 20% spiritual. 40% reason-oriented.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

You are Hard Harry from Pump up the Volume You are shy, but once you overcome that you are inspirational to those around you. You are rebellious and like to push the authority figures buttons. Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

You most resemble Marlon Brando You are very smart, and very talented, although you don’t really enjoy social company. You prefer to live alone, go to movies alone, cry alone in the corner... Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Possibly the best mash-up ever

This is absolutely fantastic. The Mp3 is here but if you go to PartyBen there is a link to a video version too and I love the imagery of the musical notes. You'll need Real Player to see the vid, but worth downloading anyway.

New Numan CD

OK, a little plug for Gary Numan, as the Boosh say, 'he's a pop star but also has a pilot's license... how cool is that?' Well Mr Numan is back with a new CD. The new CD has it's own micro-site here and it has all the info you need to find out more about Jagged (that is what it is called). What is even better is that for the offering of your e-mail address you can get access to a free download - pop star, pilot and giver of free MP3s, even cooler. And even if I do say so myself the track is quite good.

Also bought the second series of The Mighty Boosh on DVD today so I am having a veritable media feast.

Scintillating conversation

Had to go to the Post Office at lunchtime to get the car tax renewed. Thought it would be better to do it at least a day before it is due to miss the rush, however the Post Office was packed so don't think I saved any time.

But...

... I was subjected to the wonders of local conversation by the old gentleman standing behind me. I was in the queue for about 15 minutes and he spoke one phrase over and over as he witnessed the length of the queue and the time it took to get to the counter.

'... 'kin hell'

That was it, over and over until he noticed there were only 3 chashiers working to which he added to this phrase...

'... 3 chashiers'

... then back to the previous one. Until someone else decided to work, and then he added...

'... 4 cashiers'

... the art of articulate speech isn't lost in Bletchley you know.

Reasons why I don't like today

• it's raining
• don't feel too good
• I'm tired
• it's Wednesday - neither the beginning or end of week
• I have a lot to do
• No Man Utd in Champions league
• I can't find the 'work' zone
• other people exist (I am very 'I' in my 'INTP' today)
• why don't people understand what I say?
• trees aren't orange
• miscellanious grumbles too small to mention in their own bullet point
• have to use IE6 at work and not firefox
• am not a millionaire (and yes I would be happier if I had that much money)
• it's Thursday tomorrow and I don't like Thursdays
• common sense leaves most people on Wednesdays

Tom Baker says

This is pure genius and is wonderful for wasting lots of time. Have fun at Tom Baker says

PS, not for the easily offended

Spam and sexual aids

Got an interesting piece of spam in my 'bulk' folder at yahoo. I love checking the folder to see what is in there and also just in case something important has gone in despite telling them it is authentic post.

Anyway the latest piece of spam to catch my eye was another piece of junk offering me sexual prowess (I am not saying that any junk that offers such stimulus catches my eye). The title of this email, I didn't get further than the title was... 'Erection Pack: Time limited offer' ... and my response to that was, phew, glad it is time limited, if it wasn't it could cause some mild embarrassment.

Publicans vs the police

No this isn't about the latest battle for the top of the Hit Parade (my mum stills calls it that), although nice to see Leo Sayer still breathing.

This refers to something I caught on BBC news this morning whilst munching on some breakfast (trying to eat breakfast each day as part of my get healthy drive). Down in Yeovil they are going to introduce fingerprint scans as a way of entering public houses and clubs. The idea being that if you are a troublemaker you may be refused entry. A little machine scans your print, you then enter some details and voila you are on the system. The interviewer was talking to a policewoman who was very happy with the scheme about data protection and the concerns some people have about this. The policewoman reassured the interviewer and the viewers that their details were safe because only the publican would have access and not the police.

Now I grew up in the era of The Young Ones, therefore I was drip-fed the line that all police were faschists. However, if it came down to my details being held by the police or a bunch of publicans I know whom I would prefer to be in the clutches of.

Remix heaven

Well. I'm basically using posting about thsi to see if this new firefox extension works. Portishead's Numb was a fantastic album and the mashers around the world have remixed it. If you want to hear about it then take a look here.

Why

Do sons get ill when you have a lot to do at work, meaning you have to send all the important info home via email (invariably forgetting the most important bit)?

Still at least it means decent tea on tap, which if it goes cold I can simply zap in the microwave. Not to say I can't zap the tea at work, but that would mean a trip down three floors, which, if I am totally honest,I just can't be bothered to do.

Mmm, think this site needs a spring clean - item number 102 on the @projects lists. I am sure David Allen said there wouldn't be that many - sure I have done my mindsweep wrong lol.

Cold-tea-again in words

Just a quick update. Got this idea from Urban Chick who as you can see got the idea from elsewhere. And the image generation comes from here. Ultimately I think we all have the divine to thank, but perhaps I am focussing too much on the big picture for such a little post. I am tempted to get a t-shirt but surely that is self-glorification gone too far.



It is the week-in-between as far as Tuesday meetings go. It is now one week on and one week off (feel like Mr Miyagi), and this is the week off week. So no long all day meeting.

There are some things in life...

... that you can rely on.

For instance, the telephone ringing just as you've sat down with a nice cup of hot tea, or the golf (I mean what sort of a sport is that? It's about as interesting as having warm marmalade applied beneath the fingernails) over-running on BBC Two to such an extent that whatever cool sci-fi/fantasy* show they are now showing gets cancelled or, and lastly, your PC crashing just as you've typed out that long email or document without having saved it.

I can also rely on every other Tuesday being the most miserable and boring day of the week. Why? I hear you collectively cry. Well, that is all day meeting day. Why must we have an all day meeting when my attention span is at best twenty minutes? To make matters worse I am feeling very tired today and a little cranky. Actually this has the makings of an interesting meeting, perhaps I could 'lose it' and go berserk, a la Ben and Matt in Dogma. Alternatively I could simply go surreal in a Vince and Howard (Boosh) stylee. Or, as is more than likely, I'll sit with my cup of tea in my 'keep warm' flask/mug and fall asleep within half an hour.

Roll on Wednesday and save me from the tyranny of pointless, mundane and far too long meetings.

*An interesting aside (well I think it is so I'm going to mention it). ITV 3 or 4, no idea which one, has been showing Space 1999 and UFO, the two real-life action series created by Gerry 'Thunderbirds' Anderson. Getting all nostalgic when I saw they were on I flicked over via the remote and sat down to relive my childhood Saturday mornings. Now they may have been two not very good episodes but the dialogue was pathetic, and the acting, apart from Martin Landau (we're not worthy) was appalling. Still the theme tunes are cool, so next time they are on I'll watch the first five minutes and then turn off. This is a good thing with regard to Space 1999 as they show all the best bits of the show in a preview over the title sequence. So you get the story, all the special effects, but no dialogue, over a great theme tune.

Unbelievable, or is it?

Well the story of the whale in the thames had an unhappy ending, for the whale. Sadly it died and so the recriminations are starting. Anyway, the Mail on Sunday joined in with its stable mates when it comes to journalistic originality. Their headline for the sad story was 'Farewhale', wonders will never cease.

To get things in perspective though I recommend you have a read of this - you tell it Steve.

Daily Mail press genius

On Friday most of the UK were watching scenes of whale that had managed to swim up the River Thames and end of up in Central London. Currently it is still there and the best place to see what is happening is at the BBC.

But I was stunned at the journalistic creative genius that flows effortlessly out of the Daily Mail. It is no wonder that it is possibly the worst newspaper on the planet. It must have taken all of a nanosecond to come up with the front page headline for Saturday's Mail. I can just imagine the editors sitting around trying to think of the front page copy. Whale, up the Thames, in London and it is trapped... what did these creative, talented, highly-paid hacks come up with?

Free Willy

The doctors, triads and brocolli

The local Chinese restaurant is very good. We're not talking 'take-away' here but restaurant. However they do a 'cheap' lunch menu that I have partaken of several times over the years I have lived here. On this menu many of the meals come with 'seasonal vegetables', however everytime you order one of these meals the 'seasonal vegetables' always turn out to be brocolli. Now I have nothing against brocolli, but why not simply put that on the menu, instead of giving the false hope that one day you may get spring green, or green beans.

So what is the link to my doctor? Well, it seems that I need to take a trip to the doctors for him to have a look at my knees. Currently when I walk up the stairs there is a clicking noise that I am sure shouldn't be there. This noise is coming from my knee and not the stair-boards as I first hoped. If I was a robot a good sprinkling of WD40 would help but I am, despite claims to the contrary from some, alive. The noise is coming from my right knee and so a trip to my 'Chinese' doc is called for. Now he is a good guy and a very competent doc. (When I say Chinese doc I mean his ethnic background is Chinese, not that when I go there he will give me some bark and twigs, tell me to boil it in hot water and drink the stuff.) Although there is always an irrational fear that he will send me away with a prescription for powdered rhino horn (or paerhaps that is simply wishful thinking).

Anyhow my doctor has a habit of talking about nothing inparticular when you go and visit him. On several occasions this leads to him expounding on the nutritional merits of, you guessed it brocolli. I am beginning to wonder if he is in league with the Chinese restuarant? Is there a sinister conection between the two? Or, has my wonderful little town been infiltrated by a Triad gang, who, having seen the rise in 'vegetarianism' have opted from drug smuggling into the 'brocolli' market? Perhaps there is more money to be made from 'Home countries green' than 'Moroccan Red'.

Women Bishops

It seems the whore, sorry I mean, bride of Christ is having another fun time. Yes the Church of England is trying to sort out how to get women bishops into place. Now personally I don't much hold to the whole ordination thing so couldn't really care less. But I was watching the news at lunchtime and couldn't stop laughing.

There was an interview with some lady who was on some committee or other and she was explainign how a proposal of 'getting around' having a women bishop worked. Some bods in the church don't want a woman bishop or any priest associted with them because of something that they call 'tainting'. Therefore if they want they can have a male bishop who hasn't ordained any women priests at all, and is therefore untainted.

Anyhow what made me laugh was the phrase this woman used. How she didn't laugh as she realised what she said I don't know, or is it perhaps that people connected with the church are a little out of touch with society? (That is a rhetorical question, I know the answer to that.) She said, and I paraphrase slightly, although the funny line is exact, 'So Parishers can opt for a Bishop who is not tainted (here it comes)a bishop who has never laid hands on a woman.'

Jonny B's

Private Secret Diary is a very funny blog. I have mentioned it before but thought I should mention it again as today, or was it yesterday, he mentioned two of my musical heroes. I feel vindicated for living. So if you want to know more about the wonderful life of Jonny, the LTLP, Narcaleptic Dave and the rest of the crowd from Norfolk then go here and have a good laugh.

Happy Blogday to me

One of the features that blogger have is to count the number of posts you have made, and mine has now reached the magical number of 100. I wanted to mark this ocassion with some highly humourous, witty and acerbic attack on some injustice in the world, or to give you all something to chuckle at, but with the time it was taking to come up with something, it was starting to feel like there was a millstone around my neck, 'how could I breach the 100th post barrier?' So in the end decided just to tell you and write some drivel.

Of course, I have deleted several posts over my time here and so I probably passed the 100 post count several weeks back. In which case, this is a totally pointless post anyway! And while I'm writing this the tea I made is slowly going cold too. (Ah feel better now after that mini-rant).

So what does 2006 have lined up up for 'cold tea again'? Well hopefully a lot more of the same, as I do battle with the frustrations of life, love and the joy of procrastinating.

1 and 1 Internet - the conclusion

'Ok pay the money into the account details I sent you. You told me you had the details and that payment would be in 14 days. If you don't I will add a £15 administartion charge and will be adding interest on a daily basis... as per my conditions'

'We paid the money into your account several days ago, please can you check'

'No it hasn't, not into the account that I sent you.'

'Well it was paid before Christmas'

'Hey Darren,' the co-dependent 'that 1 and 1 payment has gone into my account, do you want it transfered'

'yes please'

'Thank you for paying me the money, but you paid it into the account that I expressly told you not too because I don't have access to it.'

'Sorry for the inconvenience.'

Ironically, and I think I am using it in the right context here, I just received a customer satisfaction questionnaire from 1 and 1 Internet. I'll enjoy filling that in.

very small print because I am so embarrased
The bank details I sent to 1 and 1 were wrong and so if they had done what I asked I wouldn't have got the money at all. Praise be for inefficiency.

Happy New Year?

I wonder why Charles Dickens chose Christmas as the feast for his Scrooge story. Ok, the main character is a little thrifty and caught up in his own world, but I wonder why Christmas. Yes, it is the season of goodwill and joy to all men, but really there is a much better time for pessimists, anti-philanthropists and people who write 'cold-tea' blogs... of course I refer to the annual out-pouring of optimism that heralds in the New Year.

We write our long lists of resolutions and send best wishes for the forthcoming weeks and months, as though we really do believe that things will change. But to be perfectly honest they won't, they haven't for millennia so why should 2006 be any different. We'll still be killing each other and slowly dissolving the planet, being polite in front of others while sticking pins in their proxies when they aren't looking. Things wont be any different. We'll still lose close freinds, some I fear wont be seeing 2007 unless something miraculous happens, so perhaps 2006 will be different for them as it will be their last here. But hey, that is life (or death).

So a merry post to start the year? Well actually I think it is. By recognising that everything isn't going to change overnight, we may be able to realise that we have to put some effort in. If we want things to be better, we have to choose to act and be better. Sitting back and living the anaesthetized existence that we all love to hate won't change a thing, but living, breathing and making this world a better place can. Take a page from Rio Ferdinand's book, he's now scored twice in four games... miracles don't just happen at Christmas. And for those who can't do anything to change their current circumstances perhaps that miracle could be ahead this year